Single (Grand)Parenting: Raising a Kid All Over Again
From overcoming two heart attacks while being a top-ranked CrossFit Athlete for the last five years, to spending 20 years in Emergency Medical Services as an EMT-P and winning national awards for his powerhouse advertising campaigns, ACI’s VP of Marketing/IT, Tim Mutrie, is no stranger to life-changing experiences and new adventures. Five years ago, however, Tim found himself relocating 3,000 miles across the country to take on his biggest adventure of all: being a single grandparent to his new grandson.
Since Tim’s son, Steve, and daughter-in-law, Ashley, both serve in the United States Navy, they are often switching between being the stay-at-home parent and being deployed at a moment’s notice. Fortunately for young Stevie, he has his “Pop-Pop” Tim around to take care of him when one or both parents are deployed.
In honor of National Single Parent Day, ACI sat down with Tim to shed light on his experience as a single grandfather, working full-time, trying to juggle it all and enjoy life in the process.
How does it feel to be a grandparent raising your grandson?
Being a grandparent, a single grandparent, raising a four-year-old brings just as much pleasure as raising my own kids. It’s just 10 times harder because I’m older.
What’s a skill every grandparent should have in raising their grandkids?
Unconditional love. It’s so important to let kids be kids, especially in this day and age. Teach kids to play outside, use their imagination and stay creative.
What is the biggest challenge at home?
Definitely the morning and afternoon routine, with all the scheduling and dropping off and picking up. As a single grandparent working full-time, those are definitely the most chaotic hours in the day. My commute is 3 hours and 15 minutes each day dropping off and picking up Stevie. So many uncontrollable factors can derail the best-laid plans; that’s the most exhausting part. My best advice is to just go with the flow and see what happens.
What are some misconceptions that people have about single parents?
I think people believe that only traditional two-parent families can raise a child, but that’s not true. The unconditional love from any parental figure is what they need most; that’s what they survive on and will take with them throughout their life.
How do you create a co-parenting plan?
Communication is key and setting boundaries is important. Whether it’s between a mother and father or in my case, grandfather and daughter-in-law, it is really helpful to set boundaries and be on the same page. In my experience, it helped to immediately discuss and agree on ideas about potty training, chores, responsibilities and maintaining a stable routine no matter who Stevie was staying with. It’s so easy to get tired of all the discussion and compromising, but it’s always best for the child to be on a united front.
How do you maintain a respectful, working relationship with your son in terms of parenting?
The biggest thing is that I step back when my son, Stevie’s father, is around. When he’s gone, I step in for him. Stevie knows I’m also an authority figure; he understands that transfer of power. But when my son is around, I let him handle the discipline.
What has been your proudest moment as a grandfather?
The first time he said, “I love you Pop-Pop,” hands down. It still makes me cry just thinking about it.
Best advice on discipline?
I never yell or take things away, that stuff has never worked in my experience. I teach practical lessons they’ll never forget. Like when my kids would leave wet swimsuits outside, I’d put them in the freezer so they’d have to chisel them out and run them under hot water the next day. Delayed gratification! If they threw a tantrum in the store, I’d just get down on the ground and throw a bigger tantrum to embarrass them. It works wonders!
When my son was in high school, he tried to leave the house in one outfit and change into something inappropriate on the bus. So, I showed up to the bus depot early in the morning and got on his bus before it left. When we pulled up to his bus stop, he was in for a big surprise when he found me sitting in the back seat. After I caught him red-handed wearing the inappropriate clothes, I made him wear a button-down shirt and tie for the next month. He’ll never forget that lesson!
What’s one thing you want someone to take away from this?
To the single parent out there thinking they’re not a good mom or dad, I’d like to tell them that they’re changing that child’s life. Maybe they let them watch a little too much TV or there wasn’t enough time to play outside with them, but most parents are really giving their best. I get upset because parents are so hard on themselves, and I’d like to remind parents that their best is good enough. Being a single parent is a very unrewarded state of life and it’s unbelievably stressful, but the ultimate reward is the love you receive in return. It’s priceless!